It's Who I Am; It's Who We Are

Some days, I don't know why we do it. It seems to hard, too sad, too broken, too heartbreaking. Some days, working in health care seems impossible. And yet, we continue. We fight, we work, we never give up.

Sometimes it's hard. Hard to keep going, hard to fight for so many lives that might not make it. Hard to study, to learn, and remember all the important things about saving lives. It's hard to poke them, and perform procedures on them, and run test after test. It's hard to watch their pain, suffering, cries, and anxieties. Some days it just breaks your heart. 

So, why?

Because there is something inside us that lets us be there for the heartbreaking times. There's something in us that drives us to be the comforter in terrible situations. There's a force within us that let us keep going when everything seems lost. That FORCE, that DRIVE, that SOMETHING is the reason we do what we do. 

It makes us cry when people die, and it laughs with us when our patient can finally tell us a joke. It makes us smile when they eat again, and cheer when they take their first steps after injury. It's the thing within us that lets us leave our families home on holidays, and the thing that drives us to study, to try our best. It is the reason we shed happy tears when a patient rings the cancer-free bell, and when they go home. It's the reason we get so excited when they come back healthy and whole, to visit because they came to love us too.  

It's the love, and the connection we feel for the patients. The way we love their family. The way we care about each and every one of them. The way we learn to appreciate our good times, and have hope during our bad times. It's the miracles we see, the shattered impossibles, and defying the never-will-again's. It's everything we learn, and all the lessons we have yet to be taught. It's the caring, loving, serving, soulful, people that we are. 

Some days, we don't know why we do it, and some days we really wish we didn't do it. But we do. And we will. It's a part of us that we can't ignore. It's a part of us that will never go away, and it's a part of us that we love. Each one of our patients is a part of the quilt that makes up who we are. Each experience, each heart break, each death, each survival, each story. They are why we do it, why we love so great, care so deeply, and fight so hard. It is who we are.