It's Worth It

I'm a CNA, a caregiver.can be hard and it isn't the most glamorous job but it's worth it. I wouldn't change getting to be a CNA for the world, and here's why:

It's worth it.
Getting peed on, pooped on, yelled at, punched.
The lifting, rolling, feeding, and wiping.
The mental, physical, and emotional labor.
It's worth it.
When your nonverbal resident smiles when you talk to them.
When they ask you to never leave.
When they laugh even though they're in pain.
It's worth it.
When they haven't eaten in days but eat because of you.
When with their dementia ridden mind they whisper I love you.
When they hug you and don't let go.
It's worth it.
When they kiss your hand every time you change them. 
When they ask for you and no one else.
When they tell the same stories over and over.
It's worth it.
The heartache you feel at their passing. 
The honor of caring for them in their last hours.
The overwhelming love you feel for them.
It's worth it.
The blood, sweat, bile, and fluids.
The demands, the sights, the smells, and the stress.
Their smiles, their laughs, their happiness.
It's worth it.

Tummy Troubles

My life has never been normal. To be fair, no one's really is. Some of us struggle with family issues, some of us have depression, my story is one that includes health issues. Lately, I've been getting a lot of questions about my stomach problems so I'm writing this so I don't have to repeat myself twelve more times. ;)

I have what's called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome (don't worry for you squeamish people, I'm not going to go into super morbid detail or anything). CVS is episodes of intense vomiting and abdominal pain for several hours or days followed by a period of time where there are no symptoms. This is also considered a brain-gut disorder because your mind/emotions factor in a lot. I've probably had this disorder since I was around 6 months old. 

Sometimes these cycles are caused by a trigger, and sometimes they just happen. For me there is usually always a trigger. My triggers, usually, are being too emotional (mostly too excited or happy), motion sickness, stress, not eating for certain amounts of time, or sickness like the stomach flu. For me there are different types of episodes. I have times when I am just in super intense pain (what I call mini cycles) and then there are the times when I am actually throwing up (full cycles). 

During a mini cycle I typically feel the pain when my body is trying to calm down (like after excitement or stress). My body has a hard time coping with suddenly calming down which makes the nerves in my stomach freak out and start hurting. This might happen when I am trying to go to bed, or I might wake up in the middle of the night from the pain, or I might just wake up in the morning in pain. Sometimes when I calm down too quickly (like getting excited and going to a movie and calming down during the movie) I start to shake. If I am shaking, don't be alarmed haha it's just my normal and know that it probably won't go away for a while, like until I go to sleep or relax a lot more. 

My full cycles usually start in the middle of the night. I wake up with horrible pain and then a few minutes later, well, let's just say I spend the rest of the night in the bathroom. My throwing up, like I said earlier, happens in cycles which tend to follow the same pattern almost every time. Once I stop actually throwing up I'm left with severe stomach pain, like I can't stand up straight because it hurts too bad. That lasts for about another day or so, gradually hurting less. And then I go for a period of time without symptoms. You never know how long until you have another flair up. 

I haven't had a full cycle in several years, thanks to modern medicine. This medicine takes away the worst of it, making it possible for me to graduate, go to Europe, start college, and more with out getting a full cycle. 

Other than having CVS, my stomach still hates me. It has decided that it does not, at all, like me to eat. I can't eat foods with tomatoes, spices, wheat, or dairy without being in bad pain. But, eating too much sugar also makes it hurt, and so does eating too much, but if I don't eat then I get sick too. 

So please don't be offended if I don't accept the food you offer me, or if I pick out certain things from the meal. I'm simply trying to enjoy your food without being in too much pain. And if I have to cancel plans because I don't feel good, I really am sorry, but it's the best thing for my body. And if you ever have any questions, ask! I find this stuff fascinating so I'm always reading more up on it and would love to tell you what I know.

If you read this far, props to you. I appreciate you reading this. And if you really enjoyed yourself that much, here's a link to even more information.
http:///cvsaonline.org/what-is-cvs/

A Perfect Day

I believe that perfect days exist. I have experienced a few (yes, you can have more than one). Obviously my entire trip to Europe was one perfect day, but that's not the topic for today. 

April 30, 2016 The Perfect Day.

It all began waking up for a quick workout because, lets face it, I'm one of those strange people who wakes up early just to workout before a big day. And then of course comes the showering and getting ready. My hair decided to start off the day by being nice and doing what I wanted it to. Ladies, you all know how essential that is to a good start. And then...Tyler came. How can you not have a perfect day when Tyler is involved?

Tulips in April are pretty, but tulips at Thanksgiving Point during their Tulip Festival are stunning! Oh my stars alive they were so pretty! I think this is what Heaven will look like, because I was in Heaven there. And it was so much fun walking around attempting to take selfies. 

The perfection didn't end there, though. After lunch, we watched Tangled. Seriously, how can you not watch this before going and practically being in the movie? Then dinner and we were off for a magical adventure.

Holy Hannah, was the lantern fest ever amazing! Like seriously. A-MAZ-ING. Magical. Fairytale. Dream come true. Basically every descriptive word used for Disneyland could be used to describe this. And more. I don't think those words even do it justice. I think everyone should go at least once in their life. Preferably more because you can never have enough of it. 

The line was mega long, and it was pretty windy. Windy enough that they were considering not letting us do it. But by the time we lit our lanterns it was the perfect weather. We roasted marshmallows by the fire (we meaning Tyler and I because everyone else in our group was standing in a ridiculously long line for food) and talked. But let me tell you, that fire was a little dangerous. We had to race and put out embers that landed on the blanket and other stuff a couple times. But it was soo warm. 

The music, and laughter, and talking was great, but the greatest part came as it got dark. Every once in a while people would light a lantern and that was pretty cool. But getting to see all of them going up and continue going up when it was really dark was pure magic. Plain and simple, magic. In fact, that's probably the only way that comes even a little close to describing how amazing it was. It was like we were literally being a part of the Disney movie. There really are no words that accurately describe that. Being in awe doesn't even come close, and really I was in awe the whole time. And I'm eternally grateful that I got to spend that moment with Tyler; it was beyond perfect.

On a scale of finals to summer break, that day was definitely a Cinderella perfect day. Next year, go!  

We didn't take nearly enough pictures, but the ones we got were pretty darn good. This day will go in my journal, and my future children will never stop hearing about it. Ever. Just ask me about it and I will keep going for hours. You might have to duck tape my mouth shut to get me to stop talking about it. 

I SURVIVED

I survived! I made it. It's the end of the school year of my first year of college, even though I was only a part time student. And what a crazy year it has been. I made friends with people old enough to be my parents, and somehow passed my math class with a decent grade. I bought a car, met a boy (who now happens to be my boyfriend), got a second job, made even more friends, forgot how to not be tired, had people I love pass away, taught Primary, and learned so so much.

I am so grateful for the trials and triumphs that I have gone through since August. I will always remember them. Some are pretty funny, and others quite sad. But together these moments have made up a wonderful year. 

Now, I know you're dying to know about some of the things I just mentioned. Be patient, I'm sure there'll be a blog post on most of them eventually.

For now, all you need to know is that I work part time with a home health agency, and part time at my long term care facility. I do this so I can have more time for homework and school and not have to stay up until 2 working on homework after work. 

I also teach the 5 year olds at my church. Oh my goodness they are my favorite things! I have so much love for them and I am so so grateful that I have been able to be their teacher. They are the cutest in all of Primary.

I mentioned a boy. And I know this is the part you are dying to hear about. Well, I'll keep you in suspense a little longer. *cue evil laughter* Let's just say I kind of really like him. 

:)

There you have it folks. The brief and leaving you wanting for more gossip of my life story. Maybe I'll write more in the future, or maybe I'll drive you all nuts and never talk about any of it ever again. Highly unlikely but still possible. With luck, I'll have time to write more, now that my schedule has changed around. 

Work. Again.

Lifting? Nah, that's easy. The smells? You get used to them. But favorite residents dying? Hard. Really hard. Harder than anything else in this job. It's been over a month since one of my favorite residents passed away, and I still think about him all the time and miss him. There is a reason they tell you never to get attached. But honestly, you can't help but love them. 

A couple weeks ago my English teacher gave us an assignment to write anything. There was no topic, no specific format, we just had to write something. After trying to figure out what to write about for days, my brain had an idea. At midnight. Naturally, I stayed awake to write it out. It was difficult to write, but necessary. I wrote a poem about his death, and if you want to know that I actually do have feelings, you might want to read it. I'm no poet though, so be warned. And I wrote this really late at night. 

A CNA’s Love

The hardest part of working with the old, sick, and dying

is knowing they will pass on.

I never knew I could get so attached

to someone 60 years older than me.

I didn’t realize you would be gone in an instant

or how strange your empty bed would seem.

I loved the way you called me kiddo

when passing me in the halls.

I miss the way you called me your bunny

when telling your aid who I was.

I remember the way we laughed and teased

one another while I helped you get up.

I wish I had a chance to braid your mustache

the way you joked that I should.

I will never forget the care that I gave you

or the way you liked your coffee.

There’s a special place in my heart for all of my patients

but you, my friend, left a hole with your death.

That hole may be mended but never complete

each memory a stitch filled with love and care.

My heart has become a patchwork of people

and you will always be one of my favorite patterns.

 

Work Work Work

Stories. Oh my the stories I could tell you. Someone once asked me if anything happened at work that day. Something eventful happens at work everyday. Here are some of my favorites...

I went to answer someones call light, walked in the room to the guy standing by his bed peeing on the side of his dresser. I was so grateful that his room was one of the only two in the hall with linoleum floors instead of carpet; it made it a whole lot easier to clean up.

This one Saturday was a real mess. We were already short staffed, and then one person didn't show up. So there are like a billion call lights going off and so the ADON (assistant director of nursing, one of the bosses) came over and worked as a CNA so we would be less short handed. And he's trying to help us get caught up while also being ADON and dealing with a slight crisis: the REAL game parking. Normally people can pay and park at my work since it is so close to the stadium, but there was a mix up with this, so people started parking anywhere and everywhere. They blocked this one lady in who is high on the chain of command and so she called the DON and they started getting the police to ticket the cars and tow them away. So then all the employees are trying to hurry to their cars to put on a sticky note to tell them that they work there. Basically it was mayhem. 

One particularly bad Saturday (Saturdays must be the go crazy at work day because like half my stories are from Saturdays), I walked into another person's room because a fall alarm was going off, to find him standing there peeing on the floor. And then he walked in it, and almost fell. I went from cleaning up that to helping a person get on the toilet, and while I was waiting for them to call to get off, I answered a light. This resident had to go to the bathroom and, well, let's just say I had to change their entire bedding. I was almost done with this when there was another lady yelling because she had to use the bathroom and so the nurse came in and finished cleaning up while I took the other lady to the bathroom. Meanwhile, a different nurse had to help me take that first person off the toilet because I was too busy. This all happened within about 10 minutes. 

One day, just as I got onto my shift, I was helping get his one resident dressed into a gown and when I pulled back the blankets there was a pool of BM. Literally. That was fun. 

Then, I was training a new hire and we were changing this one resident, and when I rolled her she started to have a BM. AFTER I pulled away her brief. And she had no pink pad under her (thanks day shift), only her favorite blanket, so I ended up catching it in my hand. I WAS WEARING GLOVES, DON'T WORRY!

My name is still up for debate on pronunciation at work. I've been called Kristen, Kursten, Kristine, Kristina, Krista, Crystal, Huston, Sicily, Sicil, Little Red, Little Kreesten (emphasise the ee sound), Little'in, shorty, short **** (which is randomly what some of my favorite residents call me, and they all tell me they mean it in a loving way...?), and midget. EDIT: I've also been called Kristy, Ristine (not Kristine but Ristine), and Red. My favorite was when one resident said "Huston, like Texas? Where were you born?" (I usually just go along with whatever they call me since it's easier than correcting them every time) and I replied, "Sandy, Utah." Them: "Well that's weird."

Just the other day I was in changing a resident with another aid, and we finished and went to go out of the room only to find that the door handle didn't work. We were locked in the room. Thank goodness for the radios we have to wear at work, because the nurse came and rescued us. The door was so stuck she had to use her shoulder to push it open.  

Also, I've been peed on, pooped on, had them grab at and slap my butt, almost gotten kissed, and more. Oh, the joys of working in a nursing home. Just kidding, I really do like it.  

I GOT A CAR

Do you know how to spell freedom? No? I'll tell you. C A R. And I have now aced that spelling test. That's right, I just bought a car! Woo!

Basically, I've been saving up for my mission and a car since I got my job. And don't worry, I'm still saving up for a mission! And I had enough to get a loan (because credit is important or something like that) and now I have a car. And I love it. 

                        For those of you who are car people, it's an
                '04 Toyota Corolla. I barely know what
                that is and that's about all I know about it.

It's name is Tucker. Cute, huh?! 

And of course, thank you to my parents! Thank you mom for picking me up after work everyday so I wouldn't have to take the bus, and thank you dad for helping me buy it and learn about cars (even though all of it went right over my head). And thank you both for being so supportive of me. I really do have the best parents!